things inside

there are those
things
inside
flailing around
like ink from a squid
or
tin foil
fooling missles

these things
thoughts and rememberances
who's sole intent
is to screen
all of my reasons
for
failure
for mistakes made
for injuries done
accidental
and
on purpose
are
somehow
dreamed

it seems

perhaps
these blank spaces
mask
a lost advantage
or
lost opportunties to become
fully
me

or
perhaps
the need of something larger
that invisible sense
of
an
other

a life force
that needs me
as i am
for now

these reasonings
these rationalizations
are nothing more
than
masks

how do I draw a map
toward my
ending

is there one
really

am i simply
a dream
of
me
placed
on
some
easle
a puzzle
working itself out
an

i
am

simply
a catalyst
a part of a dreams
dream
being dreamed
by

by
what

oh it's all so dramatic
this posing
this seeming mortal immortality

i live
i love
and
there are better men
lesser men
and
all those in between

yet
i feel it

here

this thing
inside
like a pleasant promise
a knowing lingering melody
a warm bright
memory
of
next

i cater to my childhood god
i make promises
i dance
i weep
i raise my eyes
to the ever outward
gaze of the universe
and
like job
or
rumi
or
the singing drunk
or
the cellular monk
or
the lost vaudvillian
i
fall to the knees
of wonder
and
try
to simply
trust
that my life
is a candle
in someones
dark night
that my being
is necessary
that i am complete
even when
i do not know

even
when
i do not
know